Just Shy of a Decade

Holy smokes. Tomorrow is my eight year wedding anniversary. I'm sure to a lot of you that sounds like nothing, but to me it is a huge landmark. If my marriage were a child, it would be old enough to be baptized. Okay, that's kind of weird, but you know what I mean. What I'm trying to say is, I think I've been married long enough to officially be out of the "newly wed" stage. So, according to the experts, I should have officially emerged from the honeymoon phase by now. I guess I'm not doing things right, though, because I am still completely infatuated with my husband. I was the happiest person alive when I married him, and I am only happier now. It boggles my mind. How can things possibly continue to get better and better? Shouldn't it taper off at some point? Shouldn't I settle into a routine and get bored sooner or later?

I've come into contact with many people who describe marriage with words like "confining," "restricting," "stifling." They've told me that marriage requires you to give up your dreams and discard all the things that are fundamentally "you." They consider it a sacrifice, a deal that no one can win. I've tried to listen to their point of view and understand their pain in an attempt to better sympathize with their plight. Try as I might, I just can't understand. Marriage for me has been anything but confining. Perhaps it was a result of good dating, or maybe it was just blind luck, but I landed myself the perfect marriage. It turns out that the person I admired and coveted above all others also liked me. It's been so convenient. For whatever crazy reason, my husband thinks I'm flawless. It's a delusion. I know he's wrong. I'm a decent person, but I've got more than my fair share of faults. I talk too much. I have a really weird sense of fashion. I love the styles of the 40's and 50's and am constantly trying to incorporate them into my daily wardrobe. (Just between you and me, it doesn't work) I dye my hair too much. Sometimes instead of jet black, it comes out blue. Once it was orange instead of blonde. I wear way too much eye makeup and lipstick that is much too red. I get too excited about things and too attached to people. I cry really easily and over anything---happy or sad. I have eccentric tastes in music and tv and books and foods. Sometimes I'm too clingy. I'm a huge nerd. I love trivia about Seattle and constantly bombard him with the who's, what's and where's of Washington history. I'm a lousy housewife and an even worse cook. But for whatever crazy, sadistic reason, Chad loves me and will proudly claim me as his in any social situation. As a result, marriage has been an incredible time for growth for me. For the first time in my life, I've had the confidence and the guts to try new things and really pursue the things that interest me. There's absolutely no harm in trying now. Succeed or fail, I still get to come home to my favorite person in the world and hear him tell me that he's proud of me. Chad has supported me in all my pursuits, even when they've brought our family financial or emotional stress. When I decided that I wanted to quit my job and be a full time mommy (even though I was the sole bread winner at the time), he cheerfully picked up two (sometimes three) jobs to make up for it. When I decided that I wanted to homeschool our kids, he started doing extra chores around the house to give me more time for lesson plans and science experiments. I've found myself in marriage, not lost myself.

This is where the nay sayers would point out that just because I'm happy doesn't mean Chad is happy too. Ha! You must not know Chad! Everything Chad has done for me, I've reciprocated. I supported him when he decided that he wanted to drop out of school and be a graphic design guy. I celebrated with him when he decided to quit his job and go self employed. I've encouraged him to try new things, to stretch and to grow. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I know he's better with me than without me. There's just no way around it. We are a case study in synergy. Separately we're okay, but together we're terrific. I love my husband insanely. Words cannot describe my feelings of admiration and gratitude for him. The past eight years have been unbelievable. There is no one I would rather spend my life with and grow old with. He is my favorite, my sweet Chaddy-Beara!